Promised
by Pelman
Summary: Tony watched as Gibbs, his boss, his friend, walked out the doors of NCIS. Gibbs didn't look back. Tony didn't expect him to. An episode tag for "Patriot Down." What if Tony knew Gibbs was leaving?


**Promised**

"_I'll find Gibbs," Tony says, slipping out of the door. But even as he says the words, he knows he won't find him. Knows Gibbs is, in fact, already gone. Knows he's probably halfway to Mexico by now. _

___And Tony had let him go._

* * *

Gibbs stormed out of the elevator, almost running into the squad room, his arrival causing heads to turn, Tony's included. Gibbs slammed his desk drawer open, grabbed his gun (not his badge, Tony noted), and just as quickly headed off. Tony had never seen him so out of control, so shaky, so…un-Gibbs. He looked like a man on the precipice of panic, but that couldn't be, not Gibbs.

Nothing panicked Gibbs.

Tony stood half-way up in his chair. "Hey, boss. I've got the results of the background checks you asked me to-"

"Later," Gibbs barked, and swept past Tony, swept past them all, and headed to the ground floor elevator without so much as a pause.

Tony froze, the paper still clenched in his upheld hand. _No, no, no, not again, NO._ The last time he had seen Gibbs like this, the last time he had acted like this, was when…was after…

_Aw, Kate. _

Tony reached up and unconsciously touched the side of his face. The last time was during that whole disastrous year that had culminated in the disastrous accident that had led to Gibbs getting the heck out of dodge. And now Tony's thoughts were running a mile a minute and he was making connections and memories were pouring in that were best left forgotten…

Tony knew what he had to do.

Under the shocked gazes of Ziva and McGee, he vaulted over his desk, kicked it into a sprint, and slid into the elevator just before the doors closed. _Made it!_ He looked up, adrenaline still running a high, to find Gibbs standing inches from his face.

Most men would have run. Gibbs' face…it held a glare that Tony didn't think he'd ever seen before. Not the "Get your game together, DiNozzo" glare; this one looked as though his boss truly wanted to kill him.

And were there tears in his eyes?

Tony dismissed it. It was too much. He just knew that he had promised himself, during the horrible days and the sleepless nights in the awful, awful months after Gibbs had left for Mexico, that he would never let it happen again.

Not again.

Because Gibbs...they needed him. Not his brilliance as an NCIS special agent. Not his unheralded success rate for closing cases. Not even his wizardly magic as a team leader. They needed _him_. His gruff reassurances and his head slaps and his excessive coffee drinking and his gut.

Tony needed him.

When Gibbs had come back he hadn't been so naïve as to think that it would never happen again, that nothing horrible enough to make Gibbs leave again would ever occur. No. He had spent too many years in too many places seeing too many things to dispel those monsters back to the closet. He knew the darkness that lurked just beneath the surface, waiting, waiting, waiting. And so when Gibbs had come back and the sparkle had returned to Abby's eyes and Ducky's icy coldness had thawed and the tension had relaxed in Ziva's spine and McGee's reassurance had returned…

Tony had promised himself. And planned. And waited.

The next time would be different.

And now it was the next time. Tony let out a breath that was almost a sigh. Then he met Gibbs' glare eye for eye. And with those blue eyes shooting lasers at him, he didn't try to match it, didn't try to overpower it. He let it pass right through. Through his anger and hurt. Through his worry and his sadness.

Through him.

Because he was tired. Tired of worrying, tired of being left out of the loop, tired of cases that weren't just cases, tired of it all.

And it seemed Gibbs was just as tired, because he looked away and said softly, "What do you want, DiNozzo?"

Tony didn't think it sounded like a question.

The words hung there for a moment, the enclosed space of the elevator becoming heavy with their weight. And Tony thought of all the things he could say in response to that. So many things. But then he looked at Gibbs, hunkered against the elevator wall, so still, so silent, and he settled for two.

"I know." He left the _everything _unspoken.

Gibbs continued staring at the elevator wall as though all the secrets of the universe were written across its surface.

Tony took a deep breath. This was hard. "I need you to promise me something." He winced slightly at just how desperate his voice sounded. Gibbs grimaced and opened his mouth to say something. Tony cut in before he could. "No, listen. Last time you left for Mexico…Gibbs…" And he waved his hands weakly as if they could get across what his words couldn't. "I can't…" He shrugged helplessly, not able to get the words out.

_I can't lose you again. I can't do it alone. I can't watch Abby shrink into herself. I can't watch Ziva and Tim turn around every time the elevator dings in the hope that it's you. I can't do this by myself. I can't let you go. ____I can't stop you. _I can't do this again. 

_I can't._

_Not again._

Gradually he became aware that Gibbs had turned away from the wall and was staring at him. Tony had never felt so exposed. No masks, no jokes. Not now. Not between them. Gibbs continued staring, a strange look on his face, and Tony couldn't read him, couldn't tell what he was thinking. He began to squirm inwardly, the first ripples of doubt spreading through his mind. What was he doing? He was supposed to be Gibbs' senior field agent, not some needy babbling probie. Shaking his head in disgust, he began to apologize, to try to explain. "Boss, I-"

The head slap cut him off mid sentence. Tony straightened up, shocked, and for the second time in as many minutes found himself face to face with Gibbs. The head slap hadn't been hard, had been surprisingly gentle, but his eyes were somehow still watering. Gibbs reached his hand up towards Tony's face, and he unthinkingly tensed, but the expected follow up head slap never came. Instead, Gibbs laid his hand on Tony's shoulder. Then he squeezed it, just once.

"I won't." And the words were filled with the rock solid assurance of the man that Tony would trust to the ends of the earth.

A tenseness he hadn't even noticed was there uncoiled in his chest, and for the first time in days Tony felt like he could breathe. They stood like that for a second, hazel eyes staring into icy blue. Then Gibbs removed his hand from Tony's shoulder and turned to face the front of the elevator. Tony did the same, still feeling the ghostly weight of Gibbs' hand on his shoulder.

He watched as Gibbs, his boss, his friend, walked out the doors of NCIS. Gibbs didn't look back. Tony didn't expect him to. Didn't need him to.

He'd be back.

He promised.

* * *

**A/N: **_With such wonderful episodes as we've been having the last few weeks, I almost can't help myself when it comes to writing episode tags. This one came about when I watched Tony tell Director Vance that he would go find Gibbs, and realized that Tony pretty much looked like he knew Gibbs was gone already. So I tried to create the scene where Tony realizes Gibbs is leaving. Hope you enjoyed it!_


End file.
